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Messages >>> Random Quips.

Of all the random message JavaScripts here at TJS, I probably like this one the most. It is hilarious! The JavaScript will randomly pick and write a quote to your web page.

Click on the generate button

Add the below code to the <body> section of your page:

<script language="javascript" type="text/javascript">
/* Visit for full source code
and get more free JavaScript, CSS and DHTML scripts! */
<!-- Begin
function gene(form) {
day = new Date()
hr = day.getSeconds()
if (hr == ("1"))
if (hr == ("0"))
tag=("Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.")
if (hr == ("1"))
tag=("Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?")
if (hr == ("2"))
tag=("Give me ambiguity or give me something else.")
if (hr == ("3"))
tag=("I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!")
if (hr == ("4"))
tag=("We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.")
if (hr == ("5"))
tag=("Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.")
if (hr == ("6"))
tag=("Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!")
if (hr == ("7"))
tag=("Did anyone see my lost carrier?")
if (hr == ("8"))
tag=("Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.")
if (hr == ("9"))
tag=("I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!")
if (hr == ("10"))
tag=("He who laughs last thinks slowest!")
if (hr == ("11"))
tag=("Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.")
if (hr == ("12"))
tag=("Save the whales, collect the whole set")
if (hr == ("13"))
tag=("A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.")
if (hr == ("14"))
tag=("Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.")
if (hr == ("15"))
tag=("There's too much blood in my caffeine system.")
if (hr == ("16"))
tag=("Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.")
if (hr == ("17"))
tag=("Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.")
if (hr == ("18"))
tag=("Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.")
if (hr == ("19"))
tag=("I wont rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it.")
if (hr == ("20"))
tag=("Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.")
if (hr == ("21"))
tag=("Double your drive space - delete Windows!")
if (hr == ("22"))
tag=("What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?")
if (hr == ("23"))
tag=("If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.")
if (hr == ("24"))
tag=("Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.")
if (hr == ("25"))
tag=("Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.")
if (hr == ("25"))
tag=("Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.")
if (hr == ("26"))
tag=("Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.")
if (hr == ("27"))
tag=("I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.")
if (hr == ("28"))
tag=("Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.")
if (hr == ("29"))
tag=("I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.")
if (hr == ("30"))
tag=("A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.")
if (hr == ("31"))
tag=("Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.")
if (hr == ("32"))
tag=("The gene pool could use a little chlorine.")
if (hr == ("33"))
tag=("When there's a will, I want to be in it.")
if (hr == ("34"))
tag=("Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?")
if (hr == ("35"))
tag=("Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.")
if (hr == ("36"))
tag=("I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.")
if (hr == ("37"))
tag=("We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?")
if (hr == ("38"))
tag=("All generalizations are false, including this one.")
if (hr == ("39"))
tag=("Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.")
if (hr == ("40"))
tag=("C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.")
if (hr == ("41"))
tag=("Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.")
if (hr == ("42"))
tag=("Clap on! , Clap off! clap@#&$NO CARRIER ")
if (hr == ("43"))
tag=("640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates 81")
if (hr == ("44"))
tag=("90% of all statistics are made up")
if (hr == ("45"))
tag=("A man needs a good memory after he has lied.")
if (hr == ("46"))
tag=("A little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over.")
if (hr == ("47"))
tag=("A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.")
if (hr == ("48"))
tag=("Apple copyright 6024 b.c., Adam & Eve")
if (hr == ("49"))
tag=("Apple Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.")
if (hr == ("50"))
tag=("Bad knee, gotta run - Pat Buchanan to his draft board")
if (hr == ("51"))
tag=("Beam me aboard, Scotty..... Sure. Will a 2x10 do?")
if (hr == ("52"))
tag=("Beulah, peel me a grape.")
if (hr == ("53"))
tag=("Bother, said Pooh as the brakes went out!")
if (hr == ("54"))
tag=("Build a watch in 179 easy steps - by C. Forsberg.")
if (hr == ("55"))
tag=("C++ should have been called B")
if (hr == ("56"))
tag=("COINCIDENCE happens.")
if (hr == ("57"))
tag=("Calvin, we will not have an anatomically correct snowman!")
if (hr == ("58"))
tag=("Careful. We don't want to learn from this. -- Calvin")
if (hr == ("59"))
tag=("Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.")
// End -->
<TABLE width=70%>
<TD><b><kbd>Click on the generate button</KBD></b></TD>
<TD><input type="button" value="GENERATE" onclick="gene(this.form)"></TD>
<input type=text NAME="tagline" size="70">

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